How to deal with criticism

The best way to grow is to take constructive criticism from people who have the skills and know-how that you're lacking.

• The key is separating the constructive from the unconstructive, and separating your self worth from the object of the constructive criticism.

The first thing you need to do is determine whether or not the person delivering the criticism is important to you. Do you value their opinion? Maybe they're your boss, and you need to take their criticism seriously in order to be successful. Maybe the person is well known as someone who thinks they're an expert, but just likes to shoot their mouth off. Even that last person can offer something valuable, but you definitely want to take their opinion with a few grains of salt compared to your boss.

Distill the important bits and use them to your benefit:

 

• Try to detach the criticism from the environment in which it was given. It's normal to be happy when praised or defensive when insulted, and it's normal to react accordingly, but you should also try to dispassionately look at what's being said and see if there are clues for your personal growth embedded in the praise or the vitriol. Pretend the person isn't talking about you, and try to read between the lines.

 

 

• Ask yourself: What part of this criticism is useful? Filter out the things that are actionable and repeatable from what can often be a lot of subjective opinion. This is where you listen and say "okay, that makes sense," or "I can come up with a plan to do that." Keep what's applicable to what you do and filter out the rest. Remember, haters going to hate, but even they sometimes hate for reasons worth considering.

 

 

• Write down those useful tidbits in your own words. Doing this removes the heightened emotion and lets you step back from the criticism, look at the it with clear eyes, and separate the advice from how you felt when you got it so you're more likely to act on it.

• Turn those tidbits into goals. Once you have specific, actionable tips, turn them into measurable to-dos.

• Adjust your attitude. You can do all of this and still get depressed when someone tells you how you can improve. Attitude is the key here, and if you don't push yourself to be more positive about the criticism you get, you'll always get depressed. Look at criticism as a chance to grow and get better—or even to surpass the person delivering the critique. It's easier said than done, but knowing your strengths and being ready to hear and accept your weaknesses is the most powerful thing you can do.

• When you know criticism is coming, do something you know you do well, and enjoy that feeling. Talk to someone who supports you, and can honestly tell you why you're good at what you do. Keep a work diary or a journal of awesomeness to remember why you rock, and then dive into the criticism, knowing that whatever you hear will only be fodder to help you rock harder. You can do it!