Why Its Great to Be Able to Make Mistakes

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1. Cognitive lie: I fear making mistakes because I see everything in absolutist, perfectionist terms--one mistake and the whole is ruined.

Cognitive Truth: This is erroneous. A small mistake certainly doesn't ruin an otherwise fine whole. It's good to make mistakes because then we learn in fact, we won't learn unless we make mistakes. No one can avoid making mistakes-and since it's going to happen in any case, we may as well accept it and learn from it.Recognizing our mistakes helps us to adjust our behavior so that we can get results we're more pleased with-so we might say that mistakes ultimately operate to make us happier and make things better. If we fear making mistakes, we become paralyzed we're afraid to do or try anything, since we might (infact, probably will) make some mistakes. If we restrict our activities so that we won't make mistakes, then we are really defeating ourselves. The more we try and the more mistakes we make, the faster we'll learn and the happier we'll be ultimately. Most people aren't going to be mad at us or dislike us because we make mistakes-they all make mistakes, and most people feel uncomfortable around perfect people.

2. We don't die if we make mistakes.

3. In your perfectionism you are undoubtedly great at focusing on all the ways you fall short. You have the bad habit of picking out the things you haven't done and ignoring those you have. You spend your life cataloging every mistake and shortcoming. No wonder you feel inadequate! Is somebody forcing you to do this? Do you like feeling that way? Here's a simple method of reversing this absurd and painful tendency. Use a wrist counter to click off the things you do right each day. See how many points you can accumulate.This may sound so unsophisticated that you are convinced it couldn't help you. If so, experiment with it for two weeks. I predict you'll discover that you will begin to focus more on the positives in your life and will consequently feel better about yourself. It sounds simplistic because it is! But who cares, if it works?

4. Another helpful method involves exposing the absurdity in the all-or-nothing thinking that gives rise to your perfectionism. Look around you and ask yourself how many things in the world can be broken down into all-or-nothing categories. Are the walls around you totally clean? Or do they have at least some dirt? Am I totally effective with all of my writing? Or partially effective? Certainly every single paragraph of this book isn't polished to perfection and breathtakingly helpful. Do you know anyone who is totally calm and confident all the time? Is your favorite movie star perfectly beautiful? Once you recognize that all-or-nothing thinking doesn't fit reality very often, then look out for your all-or-nothing thoughts throughout the day, and when you notice one, talk back to it and shoot it down. You'll feel better

5. The next method to combat perfectionism involves personal disclosure. If you feel nervous or inadequate in a situation, then share it with people. Point out the things youfeel you've done inadequately instead of covering them up.

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